St. Joshuan Feastus of Beastus

(17:13:43) LexAnd125: i'm preparing a feastus.
(17:13:48) LexAnd125: as we speak.
(17:15:58) LexAnd125: it's a feastus of beastus.
(17:16:11) LexAnd125: yesterday i made a scallops and basil omelette.
(17:16:20) LexAnd125: it was the best thing i ever made in all my days.
(17:16:35) n1c0l3tt4108: dang, that sounds amazing
(17:16:41) LexAnd125: 'dang' is right.
(17:16:55) n1c0l3tt4108: i gots a huge kitchen and almost never cook
(17:16:58) n1c0l3tt4108: shame
(17:17:54) LexAnd125: i think that if i were a saint there should be the saint joshua feastus of beastus every september 25th.
(17:18:12) LexAnd125: and you all should celebrate.
(17:18:54) LexAnd125: it will be customary not to check your mail on this holiday.
(17:19:04) n1c0l3tt4108: haha
(17:19:10) LexAnd125: and also, if the holiday falls on a sunday, it will be observed on the following monday.
(17:19:21) LexAnd125: in terms of postal service.
(17:19:49) n1c0l3tt4108: no one shall be able to check mail even if location of key is known
(17:20:54) LexAnd125: absolutely.
(17:22:53) n1c0l3tt4108: good luck with that key situation
(17:23:01) n1c0l3tt4108: i gotta get ass up and print some shirts
(17:24:35) LexAnd125: get ass up then.
(17:24:42) n1c0l3tt4108: gettin!

What?! A dollar?!

Let me advise you on how to tip your waiter the next time you go out to eat.  In a word, ask a New Yorker for counsel.

• 20% is fair.  Not good, fair.  Fair as in just; appropriate.  In the order that g-d would have it.



• If there is a tip included in your check, it is not a plot against you.  It is a conservative estimate to balance out all the horrible tips left by Europeans and Latin Americans.



• If you are European or Latin, you should understand that in the U.S. a waiter makes their living on tips, not on some salary like in your country.  That means you should adopt the American custom of tipping so you do not rob people every time you go out to eat.  I am sure that however stubborn you are, or unable to glean local culture & custom in your travels, that you can understand that it displeases g-d to leave 11 cents on a table as a token of your appreciation for service at a restaurant.  Revenge may be best served cold but Justice is a fine dish coming hot-out-the-kitchen.  And remember that every waiter is able to see your food before you do, but not every waiter follows the golden rule.



• I may not smile, but it doesn't mean I don't like you or like my job.  I may also smile but I may be smiling because I'm amused at your pretense or some other graceless characteristic I notice.  Don't worry about how I 'feel' to you, just figure out what you want to eat and ask me politely for it.  I will make sure as best I can that it comes as you request it and try to make sure any other reasonable request is met as soon as possible.



• You can help me to help you by being organized in your request.  Understand that if I approach your table with silverware and you are with three other guests, it is -not- the time to tell me that you want a ham sandwich.  I will ask you what you'd like to drink so that the four of you can discuss your options and we can synchronize the presentation of the food. 



• If you are in danger of starving or dying of thirst, perhaps you should consider an emergency room.  Not one of my tables.



• I'm not your mother, and my own mother was never so patient.  Please don't expect me to be.



• Remember, 20% is fair.  You are not going to make my cup overflow by adding a 5er here or there.  I will maybe be able to afford to live and do laundry.  15% is a slight, and 10% is an act of aggression which will not be taken lightly.

Be blessed, and remember to say grace.

Your waiter,
Giosue