It's a little scary, well disheartening, to think that I was (or still am) in love with E and now we've gone our separate ways. Most of the failure I blame on myself and my drug problems, but there were perfect opportunities for sustaining delicious love which I did nothing to keep alive.
Alcohol fogs a lot of my memory. I've been sleep-walking through life since around 16 or so. Maybe I'm stunted...constantly trying to escape? But what else in life? It's very easy to get sucked in to evaluations of other peoples' creation and bound by expectation & obligation.
(05.06.08- That would be bad, to be bound by expectation & obligation, for the narcissistic constitution)
I honestly believe that I'm supposed to be a gypsy wanderer. No stealing though. It feels better to be without than to steal. For the past few years I've been fattening up, thinking mundane, only SEEing the mundane.
It's sad to see the Boxer tame his spirit to make the money they give you for technology work. Working is important, or at least having the means for clean underwear & socks. He's fine, I'm sure... and I should feel more about the course of events my own life has brought me here by.
I perform a distracted flippant dance at work. I write horrible & ridiculous words like these.
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