Confusion

My late father's birthday. I don't know how old he would have been. My cell phone sneak attacked me. Now I pay for it. One of my roommates makes me not want to live here. I sought help for a problem and because I was disorganized and took time off of work I may be leaving my job. Hopefully my taxes will bring good news. Something is giving again, as I have said before. Over and over I feel that I need to live life. I do not feel like I am living. I am nearly 24. I think that nearly half my life is over. Maybe I'll live longer, but not at this pace and not without some very significant changes. I can do this. I will do this. I have to do this. During the past year or so I have tested my view of myself as extremely independent, adaptable, and globally mobile. Mostly, I have failed. This does not mean that I am wrong about myself, it means that I am not drawing on the part of myself that will be these things.

God, please guide me in recognizing and using the resources and opportunities that are given to me in my life. This is a strange existence, and working in an office in NYC is only one of the things there are to experience. I must be honest, humble, and generous. I must remember the things which I seem to have forgotten about trusting Life to be livable.

The Nasty C and its piercing abrasive attacks shall slide off of me. I will not allow myself to fall victim to the convenience of comfort. Now, I am not saying it's time to go around whipping myself to a bloody pulp or anything, but sometimes you have to give up what you know will be there for you in order to attain something more important. Other times you end up a fool in the gutter, thoughtless, hopeless, and destitute. Try your best.